Trying to put some anger into perspective...a blog from vrr1970

I'm sharing this blog from Vicky.....

Everyone needs to see it.... Trisha

hi friends~

as always, i hope each of you are as happy and healthy as possible today. i am extremely thankful it is friday as it's been a rough week and it had nothing to do with how i physically felt. but it's fixing to come to an end thankfully. but that is not what i write about this time. my post today has to do with the "whys" of life.

i read a thread on here about people not understanding what we go through with Lupus. i understood it and it broke my heart. why is it that with us that people don't believe our pain is real? just because you can't see a cause doesn't minimize the fact that it's there. i would never say, 'you look fine' or 'quit complaining' if someone else was hurt. if the roles were reversed, i know people would resent it coming from me.

i know some people think if they can't see illness that it's put on, but does that qualify for leukemia, heart disease, or even AIDS? i mean, i know that you can see the effects of those in their most extreme cases- but anyone that is sick does not need to have their pain minimized. we all have good days and bad ones. on our good days, we look and feel better. on our bad ones, not so much sometimes. that's everyone- sick or not.

but i guess sometimes i just reach a point where when i see or hear of people acting like a person's struggle (of any kind) isn't real, i want to scream, "who do you think you are? are you an authority on what goes on with me and my body? who made you judge and jury?!?" and of course, my 'sane side' would reply in my head before a word came out, 'not no one vicky. don't give this person your time or energy.'

but i do understand it is really hard some days to be tactful and not blow up like Mt. St. Helen's. sometimes we get tired of minimizing to a)please others and b)get some off of our backs. there are days that there's nothing i'd like to do more than just put a person in their place...but more often than not, i don't.

why? as a person living with lupus, i've learned the hard way what is and isn't worth my energy. my mind may go a billion miles a minute or less than one depending upon 'the fog', but i know either way what i'm willing to part my energy over and these negative folk don't make the cut. as i've said in previous posts, be mindful of ourselves and our needs more and others not as much.

now don't get me wrong, i'm not saying be all "me, me and only me". just think of us more than usual is all. if you ever wonder if someone in this verse believes your pain, angst and frustration with Lupus: you will always have me and the fine folks here. so be of good courage and know you aren't alone and someone does understand.

maybe we need to create something on here to share rants/ reasons to rant stories or something like it????? what do you all think? i think that i'm glad to have all of you walk through this with me. i think i'm still going to have moments of frustration but i don't have to face it alone because of you all. i think that i don't value 'negative nellies' very much.

what do i know? i know how to value my self and my "spoons" and what i want and don't want my "spoons" to go to. i know that our pain and suffering is real and i wouldn't wish it upon no one. i know that life is one moment, one day at a time. i know i don't put much stock in those who don't put much stock in me- no matter who they are. i know life can be difficult because of this- especially if it's family members you have to limit yourself from. i know regardless, i'll survive it.

sometimes life doesn't make sense. i often wonder why people are given what they are to endure in this life. but i feel that perhaps, we were chosen because some part of us is stronger than everyone else. we were chosen because we could be a great example to someone else with the same struggles. we were chosen to remind ourselves of what we can accomplish despite odds.

so...with all that said, if you find yourself in a quandry with someone's thoughtless words- know you are not alone and that we here believe what you face, what hurts you and how you feel. we get it. have courage and know there is safety in numbers and you are always welcome amongst our ranks here.

i'm going to eat a bite before heading to work. hope you all have a great Friday!

take care,