Life With Lupus

Tough Times, but being strengthened/ Repost by Sheila W


Posted by Sheila W. on August 22, 2015 at 5:13am

My Mom and brother died last week. So difficult. So much needs done ASAP, but I do feel God strengthening me a bit more than my usual strength, and comfort, and so many things put into pace that it’s too much to be coincidence. It’s like He’s making it as easy as possible. I just don’y handle these nights of 2 hours of sleep even with pain meds and sleep meds. Body is feeling the loss even more than my heart. I am so relieved that Mom is not suffering any more, but my brother’s death is a shock. He only knew he was filled with cancer for 10 days, and in that time he got pneumonia, had a heart attack and a blood clot in his heart. I never dreamed he would die before Mom. Mom was so close to death for 6-8 weeks. My brother died without a will, and my mom left everything to my brother, so I will be dealing with lawyers and that stress for a very long time. My Dr. demanded that I get my will done immediately, because last time I was under this much stress in December, I had 2 heart attacks in 1 month. He thinks I might have been saved to help my Mom and brother through their crisis and comfort them, and that I could go anytime due to the sheer amount of stress that the aftermath and work after their death will take. So I got that done. It was pretty hard burying half my family in different towns on the same day. This society doesn’t even give you one day to grieve before so many things have to be done. It feels cruel. Oh well, taking things hour by hour.
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Comment by mdaniels3 on August 28, 2015 at 5:41pm

Praying for you! You’re smart in taking things hour by hour. Don’t be afraid to take a break or ask for help when you need it. If there’s anything I can do for you, please don’t hesitate to let me know.

Comment by Starr on August 27, 2015 at 6:35pm

So sorry Sheila, we are all thinking of you and sending hugs your way.




Comment by lynn4545 on August 26, 2015 at 5:27pm

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Soo sorry to hear of your mom and brother, Sheila! Sending my condolences and keeping you in my thoughts!!

Comment by BaltimoreBaby on August 25, 2015 at 4:39pm

Sheila, I am very sorry to hear of your losses. Please know you can go to your heart if you need to talk to them. And please feel free to ask for any support you may need. I will be thinking of you.



Comment by reddog on August 23, 2015 at 10:04am

Sheila I am so sorry for your loss. I know this is a very difficult time for you. I too have loss a brother and my mother and I miss them everyday. It has been many years since my brother passed but it was sudden (motorcycle accident), so I understand the pain of coping. My mother was more recent and we had a week to accept that she was dying(stroke), not that it made it easier just different. Losing a loved one is hard no matter how or when it happens. My heart goes out to you and I give you as much strength as I can to help you get through this difficult period in your life. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help.

Take care,


Comment by RachelSara on August 22, 2015 at 8:10am

Ive lost all my family. My deepest sympathy , thats sad, but God I agree is surely giving u strength, my deepest prayers are with u. XXS


Comment by BaltimoreBaby on September 28, 2015 at 7:33pm
Sheila, how’re you doing? I hope this finds you in a better place. In case you haven’t yet found legal help, I poked around a little to see what I could find on free legal aid in Canada…


I hope my search is of some help to you.

Comment by Sheila W. on September 14, 2015 at 7:00pm
Thanks Laurie. You have a very big heart. I’m in a smaller city in Canada where there are not as many services offered as in the big cities. There is not much help unless you pay for it, but I’m doing ok. It’s not so bad that I need an assistant yet. I do need an advocate or agent to help with legal stuff and to speak for me in court, since I don’t think quickly on my feet since my concussions and lupus fog, but that costs money too. I need the help to get the money from Mom’s and brother’s accounts, but I need the money from Mom’s and brother’s accounts to get the help. Such is life. God will help me, always has.

Comment by BaltimoreBaby on September 14, 2015 at 6:43pm
Oh, Sheila, this is so much for you on your own. You likely may have already asked for help from a social services agency, but if you haven’t yet, it may prove beneficial in some way. Or reaching out to your church for help around the house with basics? If you can at least reduce the load of some of the basics, it may help make the legal things a little easier. Please continue reaching out here as well. My thoughts are with you. I will continue to check in on you also.

Comment by Sheila W. on September 14, 2015 at 2:07pm
Thanks Laurie for checking on me. Just getting over 2 weeks of bronchitis. I was glad I got it, it gave me reason to rest physically when every gov’t and legal agency calls and tells me I have to go in to show both death certificates or whatever document they want. Certainly crying more now than in the first 3 weeks when I was too busy to think about it, but still, missing them hurts less than watching them suffer the most intense pain and other symptoms I’ve ever had to be around. God is still helping and will continue. It was just 3 weeks after their deaths that I already to plan to take 2 landlords to court, so that’s a huge learning curve. I have 3-6 hours of paperwork and phone calls daily, that will last at least a year I’m told. A person can’t even die in peace or have a peace after next of kin dies. So many agencies are just giving me a bad time because they don’t know how to process a request when 2 people have died, so they panic and give me a telling off or a bad time or send me somewhere else, and every person I call to learn how to do this or that tells me something different, so I don’t know who to believe. I hope something doesn’t come back to bite me legally after I choose from the many different choices of advice. Maybe by the end of the year I will have learned so much that I can be an estate lawyer’s assistant or just help people in my situation on my own and save them $500 an hour in lawyer’s fees.

Comment by BaltimoreBaby on September 13, 2015 at 9:01pm
Sheila, how’re you doing? I was thinking of you and wanted to check-in.

Comment by ptpsr on September 2, 2015 at 3:05pm
You are in our prayers and we are hoping you feel God’s helping hand in your life, because He is there with you.

Comment by pontovirgula on September 1, 2015 at 5:45pm
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, nothing prepares you for the loss of a loved one.
That’s so true, there’s no time for mourning with all the burocratic and pratical stuff.
Keep strong, I’m sure your mother and brother are watching over you.

Comment by Steinfadt1 on September 1, 2015 at 4:11pm
I hope you’re hanging in there. All you can do in your situation is keep putting one foot in front of the other. Eventually it will all be resolved.
I know what it’s like to lose someone in 10 days. That was the time of my mother being admitted into the hospital until the night she died of lung cancer in hospice, 10 days. It’s hard to deal with such a quick death.
We’re all here for you should you need to talk.

Comment by Sheila W. on August 30, 2015 at 10:24am
THANK YOU everyone for your kind words. I just finished weeks of pushing much too hard to get my brother’s house cleaned out by the end of the month. Now I have a bad case or bronchitis, so that will MAKE me rest. I am dreading the next year of almost full time legal and gov’t paperwork. A person can’t even die in peace! I got a will made because I don’t want my sister to go through with me what I am going through with my brother’s estate who had no will. I am so grateful for good people like you who are willing to drop a note of encouragement. It has really meant a lot. My days centered around my mom and brother, so this is a HUGE adjustment. May you each be blessed 10x over for the comfort you’ve offered me.

Comment by Cathy In MD on August 30, 2015 at 8:55am
Sheila, I am so sorry for your loss. PLEASE take time to take care of yourself during this time when you need to the most. Remember, you are being presented with a new path, try to be patient and see where it takes you. However, if your doctor is concerned about your health, then you need to take care of yourself during this period more than ever.
Take time to grieve, to rest, to meditate, to pray, whatever works for you to help you restore. You are allowed and you need to.
And of course, we are all here for you during this difficult time.
Cathy In MD


Comment by reddog on November 17, 2015 at 9:37am
I am so sorry to hear that you have had to face another loss. Please keep strong and know happier times will come. We are here to help when you need someone to listen.
Take care,

Comment by BaltimoreBaby on November 16, 2015 at 8:04pm
I am so sorry for the loss of your Aunt. You have had more than any one should have to bear in these last few months. I am so glad to hear you have a lawyer as that kind of stress in addition to these personal losses could have been very costly to your health. I am encouraged to hear you are in the process of building a new life and I hope you find both renewal and serenity soon.

Comment by Sheila W. on November 15, 2015 at 10:43pm
Thank you Laurie. Appreciated more than you know. Yesterday was the 3 month anniversary of Mom’s passing, and her sister died yesterday. Another loss, so close together. I hired a lawyer for the hundreds of pages of forms. I was getting sicker by the day with that stress. Now trying to build a new life while sick. Thanks again.

Comment by BaltimoreBaby on November 15, 2015 at 8:41pm
Hi, Sheila. Just wanted to send you a hug and let you know we’re thinking of you.

Comment by Sheila W. on October 20, 2015 at 11:16am
Thanks Reddog for your compassion.

Comment by reddog on October 20, 2015 at 8:09am
Sheila I wish that there was something I could do or say to help you through this horrible time in your life. I know how hard it is to lose people we love and add in the stress of wrapping everything up and a horrible disease. Please stay strong and somehow take care of yourself so you come through this. Also know we are all here to give you love and support. Tons of hugs.

Comment by Sheila W. on October 19, 2015 at 9:22pm
Thanks so much BaltimoreBaby for your thoughtfulness. The stress is so intense with the paperwork that the flaring is getting dangerously bad, especially inflammation in my heart and blood vessels in my brain. Every person I have to deal with too tie up loose ends after this double death, tells me something different. Even 3 different people in the same bank interpret the wills differently and tell me 3 different ways to go forward. I feel like a pinball machine ball getting whacked and pushed in all different directions, which ends up in me doing days of useless paperwork for each page I have been sent. This week the court will send me 354 pages for each my Mom and brother. I’m getting too sick to even do it. Can barely sit up, so I do most paperwork and computer work laying on my side, often I can’t see clearly and often the pain is too intense. It’s frustrating. Half of me says this too shall pass then I can start my own life, but on nights like this, I wonder if this will be my duty until my dying day, and that the work won’t even get done, then my sister will have to do the probate work for my mom, my brother and for me. Just got to take it 1 hour at a time. Trying to figure out how to get life’s basics done when too ill to do much or to go buy food, etc.So grateful that I had a partial remission for 9 months. It makes the return of symptoms much harder to bear. I appreciate you checking in on me. I don’t have many people in my life to do that. Bless you.

Comment by BaltimoreBaby on October 15, 2015 at 8:18pm
Just wanted to say hello and check-in on you, Sheila. Hope things are moving along and you are keeping stress down and managing that flare. Hugs.

Comment by Pat on October 4, 2015 at 1:08am
You are in my prayers, God will see you thru this. Stay strong and take care.

Comment by Sheila W. on September 28, 2015 at 11:48pm
Thanks Laurie, so thoughtful of you. My lupus is flaring like crazy, even losing my hair, but I’ll continue to take it one hour at a time. I called legal aid, they don’t do estates or wills, but I did find another company to help for less than lawyers, they are just slower than molasses going uphill in winter! Wish I knew how to get them to do their work ASAP. It will all work out in the end. It’s just the huge hassle until the end that is frustrating.


Hope you are doing well. Always keep the faith


Sheila, how’re you doing, hon? I haven’t been well, so I’ve been off site for awhile. I am thinking of you.