The Power of Affirming

Hello and best wishes to everyone.

I would really welcome peoples opinion. I have very little family support so I have been leaning on a friend of mine. Yesterday she told me that she no longer wants me to discuss my illness with her. She believes this is in my best interest. She told me that by talking about my illness I am giving it power over me. My eldest daughter does not speak to me as she is of the same belief.

Please understand I do not constantly complain to anyone about how my illness is affecting me. Only occasionally I will vent how frustrated I am.

My friend and my daughter believe that by talking about how I feel I am creating more pain for myself.

What do you think? Should we be able to vent or should we keep it to ourselves?

Warm wishes


Great question. I kind of agree that too much talking about any problem makes it bigger and gives it more control over us. However it’s difficult to ignore pain and sadness. One thing I found helpful is to allow a “complaining” time each day. I’ll give myself ten or fifteen minutes to talk about my frustrations and then try to redirect my thoughts and actions. It takes practice because by nature I’m a worrier. I do force myself to find either interesting or neutral things to talk and thing about. Would love to hear others suggestions I’m trying my best to switch my reaction to all these weird scary things that ate happening. Good luck and sure u can always vent here. Such great people that are dealing and helping each other. Hope today brings you some good things ;).

Hello Nic,

I've never heard so much rubbish in all my life excuse the expression and i'm not being nasty towards your daughter and friend.

Talking and crying when we need to releases pressure of what we go through and keeping it held in when you need to bend someones ear does'nt help.

I chat to my hubby about issues i need to as he understands fully what we suffer but otherwise i turn to my 2nd family which is LWL as we're all going through the same issue what ever degree we're suffering with it.

They don't want you to chat about it because they don't want to hear it and also realize you've got a disease that's not going to leave you unless you go into the end of the day it's classed as ignorance to the fact.

With your daughter it maybe a different kettle of fish all together not wanting you to be ill and also hearing it may hurt her but regarding your friend that's a different matter altogether.

We your 2nd family of LWL will listen to your hearts never worry about that. & kisses Terri xxx

Sorry for your lack of support but there is a kernal of truth in their concerns Its a thin line between focusing on your ill fortune and allowing your illness to take over your life. Yes it is a frustrating illness but energy needs to channeled into how to function with this illness, not focusing on your ill fortune. Many times we don't realise how much we let this illness take over our lives and perhaps these people are trying to assist you in seeing your illness in a different light.

VENT! many women process information by talking and talking and talking until they have a clear idea of what they are dealing with and how we are going to handle it. It is just how some of us are wired. That being said, Vent here we all know is someway of other what you are going through and know how difficult the road you face is. My own sister and brother think that I exaggerate my illness because I look so healthy ( only because they cant see my insides) and to get attention. It is not a case of mind over matter as many people think. thats like telling someone who has been on prednisone for over 20 years that they can lose the extra weight if they just want to and try hard enough. God Bless We are here whenever you need to talk vent cry or just get info. Julie

I know how you feel. It is very hard for anyone who does not have this disease to actually get the symptoms keeping it all in is not good I feel.


Wow. I'm kinda speechless right now. I had to re-read the discussion several times. If one of my friends told me that, there wouldn't be anything else I needed to talk with them about. This illness is a part of me -its not all of me, but part of me. I'm a grown woman, and I have feelings and emotions and I don't need someone to decide what is best for me, without me asking for that advice?! You explain that you don't complain constantly, your friend and your daughter are not the one with lupus. This is like me telling my friends in the 12 step programs - they don't need to go to meetings, just don't drink.

Nic, you can always vent here, just like others have told you, we are here for you and we understand when others don't. Trisha