So Confused Sometimes

I just wanted to vent today. I have a Rheumatologist, a Pain Management, an Orthopedic Surgeon, and a Neurological Surgeon. Ok, the NS recommended surgery for my lower back a long time ago, but he wanted me to get releases fr all my other doctors and wanted me to have my heart checked to make sure it could withstand surgery. My Rheumy immediately said "NO" as he was afraid my lungs would not endure any invasive surgery. He was afraid I would stop breathing or develop pneumonia....again. Other doctors cleared me but I can't due to Rheumy's recommendation. I love my Rheumy and it took me soooo long to find him that I absolutely dread finding another....

I am so confused sometimes that I so want to throw the towel in. This stupid disease is so confusing. It can affect so many organs.... When the doc first told me in the hospital...that my lungs had been attacked (this was the 5th stay in the hosp. in 3 mos.) I truly didn't believe him and didn't even realize how serious this was. Then when I started reading and even when I came here and heard other ppl that had this too, I was shocked. It really hit home and I realized that this was serious. I see that some ppl have had back surgeries and I wonder why my Rheumy is so guarded...

I guess becuz I'm in a bad flare right now my opinions and views are skewed due to pain and depression. I'm sorry if I sound negative and I surely don't mean to bring ppl down...

angel