Okay!,Slow Down take a moment-Breathe!! Now there are 3 main characters in this picture , 2 that rely on the Head character , which is YOU! Pull yourself together!!! I do understand and hear every word that you are expressing, and yes I have been down some what this road, being a anemic with low blood pressure over bleeding monthly,(had hystromye)misspelled-smile. , I never wanted to give blood or receive blood , religion , but anyway, it was no choice for me back in april 2013, my Grown kids talked with my doctor, gyn, and my lupus doctor and it was a matter of Life and death at that moment , those things had to happen ,getting blood and iron deposits ,mineral subustacnes -man there were needles everywhere, when I woke up in my hospital room,I didn’t know what had happened -I blackedout with my son ,and was rushed to the hospital were my kids , spoke with all doctors and agreed with them to do this emergency surgery!!! Even through they knew how i felt about the blood isues ,they told my oldest grand ,which is a girl , that I might die , they said , she told them ,not to come home without me! So that’s why am thankful that my kids did agree with the doctors ! So that I would be able to come home and explain to my grand , how there are things in life it is what it is and you have to respect people wishes! Now she says , grandma we are Living in the now moment!! Enjoying where we are with so much laughter, smiles and hugs!!?,… Now enjoy the moment!, you know that you will not be able to hold a job for any length of time, why pretend ?, it only make things worst for yourself , and think about the other persons who can’t do nothing at this moment of their life , they rely on you !!! Do file for disability , try not to work may long hours through the week or weekends (they are more stressful), file for unemployment also call the lupus foundation in Los Angeles , and ask them some questions and make sure that you visit your doctor ,or where ever you go to be treated for your Lupus , make sure that all paperwork is in order ! Ask the doctor for help , do a job evelation worksheet , mine did, it helps with the social security process, it show how you will or will not be able to do they duty of your job during your work shift ,etc…Hold on ! Keep fighting , God is with us/you! I hope this help take care…Beverly l.