Need an opinion .. For having children

Hello all I know it’s might be an unusual thing here but I need your opinion about women with lupus that planning to have kids .
I’m truly afraid that my condition can get worsen wile I’m pregnant and after ,and then I might won’t be able to be 100% functioning mother and maybe it’s not fare knowin that I might have a chance to have my condition worsen and still go for the baby … In the end the disision will be all mine .But any opinion or expirions will be highly apriciated .

I was diagnosed about two years ago and my son is 6, I know I had it with him but didn't really know it.. I am also trying for another baby and I just put it in God hands.. I say that if it's meant to be then it will be.. The pregnancy will be considered high risk but with caution and care, I know we will all be fine.. Good luck and maybe we'll be pregnant together and can help each other out on our journey...

Also, I just recently had 2 ectopic pregnancies (July 2012 and November 2013), I asked my doctor yesterday about me getting pregnant and she said that I could but it's going to be a little more difficult since I only have one tube (lost the right on with the last EP) but it can be done... So if there is hope for me, there is definitely hope for you.. So good luck and keep us posted.

I actually felt better while pregnant. I was told their is a greater chance of misscarage. I have a son and daughter between them I have 4 grandchildren. We will be here to support you with what ever you decide.

Ask your Doctor what to expect, and do your research. I have heard that when you have Lupus, you actually feel better and have fewer symptoms, just like Purplebutterfly experienced. AFTER the baby is born is the question you should be concerned about. Do you have the help needed 'if' you aren't well enough to care for the baby. If you have a good support system, then I think having the joy of adding to your family would be a blessing. Good luck in making your decision and good luck with your Lupus if you do decide to get pregnant. God Bless you, and feel better.

I have two children ages 4 and 1, I wasn’t diagnosed until my youngest was diagnosed with neonatal Lupus, which carries it’s own risks but he is perfectly healthy once the placental antibodies died off. While it isn’t always easy it is totally worth it.

I just gave birth to my 6th child this March. This was not a planned pregnancy and unfortunately I was having a flare when I got pregnant. It is said that if you are having a flare when you get pregnant that your whole pregnancy is a flare. This was true for my case and it was a painful pregnancy. Especially being that you are really not suppose to take any meds. I was told it was safe to take plaquneil but I decided not to take it. After birth the flare is 10 times worse, however, I have a precious, innocent baby that makes it all worth it!

Wow, Susan you are my hero, I have always wanted more kids but do not want to increase their chances of having this illness. So, every time I see a woman pregnant or hear of one, I am elated. I don’t have any advice on this topic only my story to share. Good luck with tour decision.

Everyone's body is different. I felt better while pregnant. As for possibly not being a 100% functioning Mom, every Mom who has any chronic illness is not 100% functioning, but there are sure a lot of us who have raised children anyway. My children learned early how to help with chores, and I think it made them more mature than their peers. In college, they were teaching the other kids how to do the most basic things. No parent is perfect, but kids can still have a great upbringing.

I want to say THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR RESPOND BECAUSE ALL THE INFO AND THE STORIES ARE EXTREAMLY HELPFUL !!!

Hi Aria
I don’t respond much on here but I certainly do read. But this one is close to my heart I Always wanted 2 kids. I have been very very sick for more than 13 years. An 8 yrs ago I had my son and I just like you was terrified. But soon I got pregnant and I got better while pregnant. Not everyone is the same but I heard a lot of woman go in remission while pregnant. Anyway of course my son is the greatest thing on earth!! But I do feel terrible a lot telling my son I can’t DO cause I don’t feel good. Same old story every day! :wink: But I really think ALL children have to grow up with some kind of difficulty right? Anyway there is a way to TRY and enjoy life at the moments you can!!! I say go for it Hun!! Try to stay strong and do what your heart tells you! Everything will work out in the end. To look back and see what I went through. I would still do it again and again!

OH MY GOD !
Dear Krisaus.
Your reply really got in to me because …all my life I wanted 2 kids as well …
And all my life I prayed to have them …and now I reached the point of dilemma .
Thank you for taking your time and reply to me .
I probably will go for it in the end ,but wanted to hear about expirions of other women as well.

I don’t respond much on here but I certainly do read. But this one is close to my heart I Always wanted 2 kids. I have been very very sick for more than 13 years. An 8 yrs ago I had my son and I just like you was terrified. But soon I got pregnant and I got better while pregnant. Not everyone is the same but I heard a lot of woman go in remission while pregnant. Anyway of course my son is the greatest thing on earth!! But I do feel terrible a lot telling my son I can’t DO cause I don’t feel good. Same old story every day! :wink: But I really think ALL children have to grow up with some kind of difficulty right? Anyway there is a way to TRY and enjoy life at the moments you can!!! I say go for it Hun!! Try to stay strong and do what your heart tells you! Everything will work out in the end. To look back and see what I went through. I would still do it again and again!

I had two children before I was diagnosed. I didn’t start feeling the lupus until I had my first. It’s a theory my pregnancy is what triggered it to come out in full fury. She was also born completely deaf in her right ear. My son I had many complications and he has a form of autism. Now that I know why I had been sick all those years and studied up on on it and the possible effects lupus has on children in utero I now know it’s the lupus that caused the issues. So that is something to consider.

Aria-

I have 5 autoimmune disease and was given the chance to have 2 beautiful children. If the pregnancy is planed your specialists can keep a close eye on you. During the pregnancy both times I went into remission and I felt great (I wish I could be PG all the time…lol). After I delivered I was still in remission for about a year or two after each pregnancy. You do have your good and bad days still. When those bad days come is when you ask for friends and family to help (don’t ever turn down an offer of help). My girls are now ages 6 and 9 and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. They grew up knowing what I have and are the best little helpers. God did truly bless me. I hope this helps in your dicsisson. -Michelle

Thank you Aria and everyone for sharing. I'm 34 years old and just diagnosed with lupus Feb 2014, though symptoms appeared in 2012. I'm also in dilemma about starting a family badly. Will decide in Aug after latest blood test result to see if ESR reading went down from last 34.

doctors used to warn women with lupus to not get pregnant, but they have changed their minds recently and have said it is possible to have a successful pregnancy and a healthy baby even with lupus.

I totally agree with needing to have lots of support, though. because nothing flares up lupus like stress and lack of rest. parenthood bring both, even with a wonderful child.

I opted not to have kids, but honestly I didn't want kids. I'll spare you the reasons why. But I believe yu should follow your heart (I did- I didn't have kids, even though people often think that's weird. And i enjoy kids very much, just don't wanna be a mom). s long as you are carefully and competently monitored, and you have people who can help out with child care and errands when you need it. All moms need it, but esp. people with chronic illness. our tendency is to put everyone else first. then- whoops! how did i end up in the hospital again?

Thank you for sharing your opinion with me , deep in m’y hearth i wanted to be came across opinion like This .Currently i live in France ,Wile my all family lives in the u.s here in france I’m TOTALY alone ,my husband work all day long …So I’m not sure if I can get "HELP FROM FRIENDS AND FAMILY " And if the flare can send me to a hospital …



Carla Ulbrich said:

doctors used to warn women with lupus to not get pregnant, but they have changed their minds recently and have said it is possible to have a successful pregnancy and a healthy baby even with lupus.

I totally agree with needing to have lots of support, though. because nothing flares up lupus like stress and lack of rest. parenthood bring both, even with a wonderful child.

I opted not to have kids, but honestly I didn’t want kids. I’ll spare you the reasons why. But I believe yu should follow your heart (I did- I didn’t have kids, even though people often think that’s weird. And i enjoy kids very much, just don’t wanna be a mom). s long as you are carefully and competently monitored, and you have people who can help out with child care and errands when you need it. All moms need it, but esp. people with chronic illness. our tendency is to put everyone else first. then- whoops! how did i end up in the hospital again?

I had a high-risk pregnancy due to lupus I was pregnant with twins I did not get a flare during my pregnancy but I was very tired all the time I had my weekly check ups they where born at 34 weeks healthy boys I didn’t get a flare until they were six months old but I also had to take lots of vitamins

Aria,

For me, pregnancy 'turned on' Lupus (I didn't have lupus until I became pregnant). At first the pain was very severe. My rheum put me on a very low dose of prednisone (7.5mg daily) and now the pain is mostly moderate and tolerable & the inflammation has gone down quite a bit. Being pregnant, with an active Lupus flare is HARD but doable. I am pregnant with twins & in my 20th week and the twins are 100% healthy so far. Be aware that if you flare during pregnancy, there is very little that can be done for the pain (Tylenol, which does nothing). I've seen 2 different OB doctors at the practice I go to and both have told me the same thing... with Lupus, there is the 'rule of thirds'. One third of the patients improve, one third stay the same & one third get worse. The biggest thing for me is an OUTSTANDING, SUPPORTIVE, UNDERSTANDING & EMPATHETIC husband. Without that support, I have no idea how I would get through this. Good luck & may you be blessed with good health.

Dear twins on the way
Thank you for your reply
I will keep you in my prayers :slight_smile:
Wish you the best
And I send you a friend request as well

Hi Aria

All I can do is relate my own experience and hope it helps you to make a choice that is right for you. Before my diagnosis I had four second trimester miscarriages and the doctor has\d told me I wouldn't be able to carry a child. So my husband and I decide to use the money we put aside ( so I could be a stay at home mom for the first 5 years) to relocate and start over. I had been in my new home for about a month when I came down with the worse case of flu I ever had. I went to the doctors to get it checked out and lo and behold I was pregnant again and this doctor was familiar with Lupus and its symptoms so he tested me and I had seven out of eight symptoms and lab results. I had to do Heprin injections through out my pregnancy and the doctors had me prepare for a small baby ( they said around 5 pounds or so due to the meds I was on ) Well my son was 8.5 pound and 21 1/2 inches long lol little baby right

there have been so many times in his 22 years that I have been unwell,fatigued, or hospitalized I have worried that he was short changed. I recently asked him if this was the case he said no that all the board games on mommys couch days and the movie watching, and even the pharmacy adventures were all a blast that he got more attention from me than most of his friends moms gave them and other than not liking to see me ill or in pain he loved his childhood. I hope that helps you a little with your decision. God Bless Julie