Gossip

I have been at my current position for 5 months now. Since this is a contract position, I have not mentioned my illness to anyone. In fact, I say very little about my personal life, and I'm very quiet. I recently overheard talking about a co-worker who was recently hospitalized for 4 days from complications with her meds. She has an auto-immune disease similar to Crohn's.

I have resisted the thought to reach out to her, because I don't know that I could trust her with my secret. I have heard her talk about her illness and share what she's going through with a chronic illness. Listening to the others talk about how she's 'abusing' her body, and in essence saying that she brings all this on herself, and they wonder how long she can stay off work was eye opening to me. They also said her husband should trade her in a newer model.

I recall a quote "- weak minds talk about other people." I can't find the quote to credit the author unfortunately, but it definitely came to mind when I was listening to this.

oh my goodness. it is amazing the things that people think and say when they are clueless to the autoimmune diseases. If you look good physically, than your suppose to be okay on the outside also.

they have no clue. frustrating. I cant even give others my attention or energy. I break down enough without the rudeness of others.My job always feels like its at risk because I miss so much time due to lupus. I am achy. my body hurts. random fevers. no energy. sleepy to the point where I fall asleep at work. Its bad. I cant even imagine what people have to say.

uggh.

-Cynthia

Wow that’s so mean of the co workers. I would reach out to her and stay away from the other ones. She could probably use the support. Maybe you subtly warn her to keep her business private from the unsympathetic co workers too.

“Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people.”
I believe that’s the quote you’re thinking about. I have it posted up on my bedroom wall. It’s a reminder to me that I will definitely hear a lot of gossip and mean comments when it comes to autoimmune diseases. Since diagnosis I’ve heard quite a few. “You’re faking, why are you always sick? You look fine to me, so stop pretending.” It’s unfortunate that we will in such an insensitive world. Personally, I would reach out to her because I know what it is like to be on the other end of the gossip. You don’t necessarily have to share your own health history but just a shoulder to lean on or something along those lines.

I used to work in a toxic environment like that. You are best to keep your mouth shut. People like that are like high school girls...mean, nasty, always willing to hurt someone to make themselves feel better.

I'd almost be tempted to write her an anonymous note telling her what was being said (typed of course) to warn her that she might be best to keep her mouth shut and not trust these nasty people.

Really sad. I’m the same way. I don’t like to tell people about my lupus. I always get the … “but you look so great” comment. They look at me like I’m crazy. If they only knew all the pills I take and how hard it is to get out of bed each day…it’s so frustrating! I feel like I have to justify everything. It makes me crazy! I guess that’s why lupus is known as the “but you don’t look sick” disease!

Oh … and Brittany, I love that quote!! It’s from Socrates!!

I think you are wise not to mention anything about your Lupus. They sound like not a very nice bunch of people.

Yes, this is the quote! : )

Brittany said:

“Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people.”
I believe that's the quote you're thinking about. I have it posted up on my bedroom wall. It's a reminder to me that I will definitely hear a lot of gossip and mean comments when it comes to autoimmune diseases. Since diagnosis I've heard quite a few. "You're faking, why are you always sick? You look fine to me, so stop pretending." It's unfortunate that we will in such an insensitive world. Personally, I would reach out to her because I know what it is like to be on the other end of the gossip. You don't necessarily have to share your own health history but just a shoulder to lean on or something along those lines.

I work in a small town, with small-minded people. They all went to school together, know so and so's family and everything there is to know about each other - superficially. Except for the important things. This is one of the times that I'm grateful for having Lupus.

Yes, grateful for having chronic disease to put my life into priority.

I have thought of printing out the homepage for Chrohn's here on Bensfriends and leaving it on her desk somewhere. I don't know her at all, don't know how she'd handle knowing that other's talked about her.

Your words made my heart ache. I was in a position for 21 years and luckily the first 15 were supportive andI did not experience the cold, shallow comments for that period. As time went on employees changed jobs, retired and moved on. The new Manager and many of the new employees were not kind by any means and I believe held resentment because I had three major surgeries in those last years and my world began to crumble. I was the brunt of much of what you are hearing and it ripped me, my heart and soul to fragmented pieces. I took an early retirement two years ago. It has taken every bit of that time to heal the damage caused to me. As soon as I read your words I could feel that empty, loneliness all over again. Stay strong, this can be a very lonely road without support. Sometimes even the closest to us, or spouses, our children have a hard time understanding what we live with every day. My prayers are with you.

Worked 18 years at a job, that I thought I would retire from. We had a great HR director. She would not let anyone take advantage of employees and considered this type of behavior as harassment. After corporate upheaval and she was replaced by a VP from the holding company who cared less, walked around doing nothing, and then quit after six weeks. Meanwhile, I had been out with 3 botched hip surgeries for 10 weeks.

A new HR Director was hired. She engineered my demise and let me go for too much sick time and used the FMLA as a basis and allowed a culture of gossip and pity to thrive. I returned and worked 6 months. When people would talk to me, you should have seen their faces-- a real pity party and it wasn't me.

It was so disheartening, that I really knew I was finished when I had to have a fourth surgery.

If you can, keep this from the other employees, It's best. This is private and they don't have to know. Anything you say can and will be used against you.

This is TMI, but I understand the difficulty of the situation.

You got to hold on!

I myself was reluctant to talk to others about my disease but it was only totheend of me getting laid off that i started talking to one or 2 people ,one thing once you release the information you cant take it back and you wont know if anybody is talking about you or not..If some reason they think you are not living up to their exspections they may use your illness as a excuse whether it is a contract or not..

I Was with the compnay 12 years and knew of 450 people andonly told 4 after I was diagmnosed,you have us here to vent why do you want to tell others about your personal life that is why it is called personal.

its hard when your family and husband don't get it

it took mine years. i havent worked for 1 1/2 years and no one rings me anymore lol

iam teaching my phyo about lupus as she tried to look it up and found i didn't fit in the square it is good when ppl are really interested in the information your body has to say.

i worked in a hospital and only one person understood and that was because her friend died from it.

i would not tell anyone, they might use it against you and it hurts when trust is betrayed.

Dolly its true. Mine left me for a more flexible model. I used to complain to him. He would tell his “friend” who always managed to convince him that I enjoy being sick. So I can be cared for. Now he cares for her and he occasionally babysits his son…

"Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss other people. ..."

~Eleanor Roosevelt