Flare, divorce, future

Hi everyone. Sorry I've been MIA. I'm on vacation with my family at the beach. I have been reading all of your posts and will reply to them when I get home (tonight or Saturday).

My husband and I are getting a divorce. We've tried counseling many times and while it helped after his affair, it hasn't helped for recent issues. I guess you can say we "grew apart". I told him I want to get my stuff this weekend and divvy up everything else.

Anyway, while the beach air usually frees me of my allergies and everything else, I feel like I'm getting a sinus infection. Not to mention, mom's arm is still in a cast from her surgery and I've been doing all the caretaking. Needless to say, I'm going into a flare... needing naps, achy, sinus issues, weird throat lump/pain, etc. Mom said we can go home either this afternoon or Saturday morning, but Saturday is usually when everyone else leaves around here because that's when the rental houses do their turn-over. Just from how I'm feeling, I think we're going home today.

While I can deal with the flare, I'm nervous. My husband was always understanding and supportive with my lupus. Now, who wants to love someone who's diseased and all the fun stuff that comes with lupus? I have a long time before I even think about dating and all that, but it's just one of those questions that always pops up into my head lately... who would want to love me and my cooties?

It's just a lot of emotions and stress to handle right now and I knew you guys would understand. Thanks for listening.

Sorry to hear about you and your husband, and the struggles your having at the moment, I’m new to the forum but I’ve been amazed just how supportive and understanding everyone is on here!

I’m 19 and clearly haven’t been married, however I was in a long relationship up until a couple of years ago that was far more complex than your usual teenage relationship! I’m now with the most amazing person, who supports me through everything - but despite his support, I still feel inadequate and get scared he’ll leave because of my illness’. Deep down I know he would never would, he stuck around for a year before we officially got together because of my insecurities and I love him more than anything.

I guess what I’m trying to say is; it’s completely natural to feel the way you’re feeling, as rubbish as that may be! Hopefully things aren’t too messy between you and your husband, and you can move forward from this without too much extra stress as this usually triggers flare ups. It won’t be a easy time, and i know it’s easy for me to say but try to focus on the positives in your life and live for now… You often find that things like relationships will appear when you don’t go looking for them.

In the meantime, keep connected with your close friends and family, and ofcourse all of us on the forum that are always here to listen! xx

Wow. I am in the same situation right now. This afternoon I meet with my lawyer for the first time to start the process. We have been married for 30 years and I was dx with lupus in March of 2011. He started with his current girlfriend in the past few months and thinks I do not know. His line was “we have no interests in common”.
My family does not understand this disease. I work full time and am wiped out when I get home most days. The soon to be ex feels I am lazy and unmotivated to do things. People think fatigue is something that going to bed earlier will cure! I do not tell them about my pain, because then I am “complaining and being negative”.
I am looking forward to getting my new life started and can then find others that have an autoimmune disease for support.
Hopefully the stress of this and moving will not cause your flare to last long! Hopefully you can get a great new start!

Im sorry you are going thru all this. their Will be all kinds of things you Will think about please keep us posted

I’m in the same boat. Last week my husband and I decided to call it quits. If it was up to me we’d still be together but you can’t fight for something on your own. I have lupus plus 5other dieases… I need a double lung transplant. I’m 26 with a 2 year old child… I’m dying… Who’s going to want me? I reached out to my ex, the one I was dating before my husband. He’s actually on his way over as I type. I don’t know what I’m doing but I don’t want to go through this trial alone. This is the worst time if my life and he’s-my husband gone. He said he wants us to remain friends for the sake of my son and came up with a plan. God knows if he wanted to come back I’d take him back. He has a wonderful husband and father, will I ever find someone as good as him? I’m so young but yet feel so used up, all the pills, and pokes and X-rays etc etc. so your not alone. Flare, divorce, future.

I am sorry you are going through this Ballerina....mine was 2000, except my ex decided to get his girlfriend pregnant...Well girls after thirteen years....now she is a ex and he has moved on...believe me the grass is no greener, but you will feel a breath of fresh air....boy I did .....no more will I take a back seat to no one and that includes LUPUS......You my lady do it on your terms now....Lupus doesnt lie to us.....and no one else should either....

hugs to you....


Thanks for all of your support and kind words. You guys have brought tears to my eyes. I'm glad to know I'm not alone in all that's going on... disease, divorce, fears, etc. Since we don't have kids, a home/property, or anything major like that, it should be a fairly quiet divorce. For once I feel like I'm starting to put my needs first and actually taking care of myself instead of everyone else. there was too much negativity and hurt in our marriage and for a while I just kept listening to him that it'd get better, but I'm unhappy and am actually listening to MY feelings and doing something about it for once. I'm slowly learning to love myself (and my wacky cooties) and listen not only to my body physically, but emotionally as well.

I can't thank you all enough. I wish I could give a giant group hug through the computer!

Big hugs too you!! My divorce is almost final, being with someone for 14 years its the hardest thing too let go of the feelings!!! We have two kids so I still see him daily. But I really want too be strong enough too really truley move on!! Cause we don’t live together but we still “act” married. But I feel like he’s getting his extra cake n ice cream and that’s just hurting me!!

I am so very sorry you are going through this pain. Yes, you must love yourself, but when and if you are ready to date try looking at some online dating sites. I met my boyfriend (who lives 1.8 miles away--around 5 minutes apart) on www.okcupid.com. It was over two years ago, and the service was free. I noted my SLE and he contacted me anyway. I believe he had a cousin who had lupus and plus I gave him a SLE brochure to read from the Dept. of Health and Human Services. I am 5 1/2 years older than him---I was 58 and he was 53 but I was within him age range---just barely. He has been so good to me and so helpful. I had tried eharmony.com in the past without any success. Nothing ventured=nothing gained. Maybe you would rather be alone for awhile, maybe forever. However, I believe that someone good is out there who WILL love you. You ARE lovable. Don't you have a Maltese? Four legged love from critters can be the very best! I have been intending to write you for days. Keep your chin up dear one. Lupancatwoman

CatWoman, Critter love is the best! It's always there and my pooch looooves to cuddle. Plus she listens without interrupting me and always agrees with me. haha.

Hi, enjoy your moment and don’t over do it!!..Beverly L.