Afraid and excited

I moved from LV to Oahu this same time last year for my husbands job. But Lupus turned paradise into a nightmare of isolation and sub-par Rheumy.
My husband was going back this weekend to have an open house for our home there. Instead he is there getting it ready for me to move back.
The problem is that I am really happy to be able to see my old Good doctors and get healthier, I am sorry that my husband is going to have to move back in 6-12 months. What if he starts to resent me.
He’s been wonderful and supportive, I am afraid that could change.
Advice?

Your husband loves you that is why he is doing what is best for you and your health. He knows that you did not ask to be sick so he will not resent you. You are a team and in this together. You will work it out and it will be okay. Do not stress about what might be, deal with the now. Look forward to feeling good. Tons of hugs.

I can understand your worries and fears. I have had them as I watched my husband take on more and more. I think I feel guilty because of it and yes I know he feels frustrated because he can't fix everything and make it all better so there is some tension. It is more his frustration than resentment. He is doing it because he wants to. Allow him to do it for you, it is his way of showing his love.

Thank you for that.

I am first of all tickled that you are coming back, both for your sake as well as having a pal within reach again. Concerning your husband, he is already a wonderful man and obviously an excellent caretaker. My advice would be, talk to him about it. Let him know you are worried, and that as much as you deeply appreciate the sacrifices he's making for you, you want to be sure that he's happy too. Perhaps you can work together to come up with some things HE wants and see about making them happen, whether it be something physical, like an outdoor grill he's had a gander for, or something to do, like vacationing somewhere, or even just something like his choice of night out every month. Sort of as a way to return the favor, you know? I know guys aren't terribly keen on talking about their feelings as a rule (sorry for the generalization gentlemen, I know it isn't true of you all!), so coxing him to talk about how the move makes him feel may or may not be effective for helping prevent resentment. You'd know better than I, but it's a thought too.

Regardless, I agree that such a supportive husband likely will be able to avoid the trap of resentment, but it is sure to help if you express your concern for him as well. Communication is key to marital happiness! ::hugs her friend::

Men like to know they are doing something to fix a problem. Let Him know that you realize the sacrifice he is making. It will make him feel ten feet tall that he is able to fix something for you.

My biggest concern is “what is going to happen when we have to be apart for weeks at a time” . We both know that I Have to make the move to live, but I miss him terribly when he leaves for a week at a time for work. I hope that our 10 years together has made us strong enough for this. Has anyone ever gone through a situation like this? Also, has anyone seen a psychiatrist for dealing with the emotional toll this disease takes on a family and did it help? I feel so much guilt at disrupting his life so much and often feel as though he would be better off without me.

Seeing a psychologist that specializes in dealing with chronic illness could be a good idea. A psychiatrist is a doctor that works with mentally ill patients that have something physically wrong in their brain.

You need to develop a good support system for the time he is gone. Of course that is much easier said than done when socializing isn't the easiest with restricted energy. If you are inclined,a small church is a very good place to start.

Well actually a psychiatrist can write prescription that a psychological can't (unless they have additional certification /schooling). At University of Miami sylvester they only offer a psychiatrist and I have my first appointment with her next week.. BTW I NO mental illness or have something wrong with my brain

Of course a psychiatrist can write a prescription, they are an M.D. If you want a pill to make you feel better then they are what you want. If you want help dealing with emotional dilemmas or problems then you want a psychologist. As an instructor with a P.H.D. in abnormal psychology I do know the difference. It may surprise you how often psychiatrist refer their patients to psychologist to help them deal with learned behaviors resulting from abnormal brain chemistry.

When you are talking about problems resulting from resentment and guilt then you don't need a pill, you need relationship help and you get that from a psychologist, not a psychiatrist.

Mental illness is a chemical imbalance in the brain, and nothing to be ashamed of, just like lupus is a messed up immunity system. Neither is something that is the person fault.

Anyway I don’t need a pill nor are my specialist implying that but my “out patient” hospital based teaching school facilities I go to referres to their on site psychiatrist (only psychology in the Miami campus an hour away) and social workers. Plenty of people on here have other serious diseases that over lap lupus such as cancer and my personal relapsing polychondritis. I am in between a severe chronic illness patient and terminal so I’ve decided to ask about council ingredients services available to me mainly to help my daughter cope. It’s a public forum and get to say whatever but anyone who is apart of any kind of support group especially medical has seen countless very scared and desperate for answers posts. I just think it’s really irresponsible to so nonchalantly describe “differences” of psychiatry and psychology. And thanks for your resume it actually makes the comments even more disturbing

I just corrected your over simplification of the difference, and gave the reason I felt I was in a position to. I'm sorry that your school doesn't provide the counselling that might be the most helpful for you.

Now I'll leave before I step on anymore toes. I came for support because I'm in a big flare of RSD, fibro, and lupus.

I am surprised that you are not able to get the required medical care in Hawaii because that state is #1 in medical care. I was living in Florida (#43) and not able to get what I needed, although it was very easy to get an appointment. I decided to move back to New England (all on the top 10) where all my family is. I feel just as isolated here but am happier with my medical care. I pray for a quick remission so that I can enjoy the beautiful Maine summer with my family.

Hi, Members.
Just a reminder to be respectful of each other. We are here to give and receive positive support. Nitpicking is not constructive.
Thanks for understanding,
Your Mod Team