I woke the other morning feeling pretty good. I've been in a lot of pain and exhausted for almost 2 weeks now so I was excited...maybe its over now. Maybe the flare or whatever it was had finally subsided and I could get on with my life. Then I took my sons to school and went to the drug store and the pain hit and the exhaustion hit...what was I thinking? I know if I tell my family they will say I over did it because god knows walking your kids in school and walking into a drug store is over doing it. I'm angry. I'm angry that Lupus took my life away from me. I'm angry because when my youngest gives me a bear hug I have to push him away because it hurts too much. I'm angry because I can't walk in the mall and go shopping. I'm angry because I have to tell the kids every day mommmy can't play because i'm too tired or in too much pain. I'm angry because I can't go in the sun without tons of sunblock and a sweater on- even if its 90 degrees! I'm angry because I have scars on my arms that people look at-scared I have something contagious-from last years sun. I'm angry because I can't fit any of my shoes because my feet are swollen and I must wear slippers when I go out. I'm angry because i'm too tired to be intimate with my husband. I'm angry because I can't think straight and my kids overwhelm me and I need help caring for them. I'm angry I'm in pain constantly. CONSTANTLY. I'm angry I'm so tired. Why me? Why??? Can someone answer that for me.
Then I remember how arrogant I am. Why not me? Why not all this? Because I'm still here fighting the good (or bad) fight. Others aren't so lucky.
I'm just so angry...