The Life of a Prayer

For a long time I have been wrestling with the idea of what it means to be "holding someone up in prayer." I wondered how do I do that? I ,mean, what exactly does that mean?"

How do I pray for anyone? And how do I make my thoughts and feelings known to God who already knows, and knows even better than I know myself?

A few days ago ?when was it really? I don't know. I remember being very sick but I don't know when it was. And I remember thinking, "I can't wait till this (sickness) is over because I am finally beginning to understand how to pray---how to make my prayers and why they matter." I wanted to share it with people I care about and people who know me well enough to understand that this is the vital urge~~~ the

 Vivo Vixi Victum ~~~the verve to live --the pulse that says "I Am."

So while I was sick (when WAS that?) I thought it out carefully, or rather I let it be thought out through me so that I would remember how to share it.

In my ?delirium? I even found an equation of sorts to convey the life of a prayer .

But now when I try to recall it I know that it was never meant to be entirely captured by words or any kind of equation no matter how beautiful the phrase or elegant the equation; I also know that for the rest of my life I will keep uttering the phrases in as many different ways as there are people, entirely unique people--and not only people but nations and animals and trees and rivers and everything that God has created.

When I first got home from the hospital I tried to write it down and realized right away how ridiculas it would sound; I tried to say something about it to my daughter in law and could tell from the look on her beautiful face that she loved me, even if I sound completely crazy sometimes.

So I gave up in a peaceful way; I said, "OK God, if you don't want me to share what You showed me, then I won't try to explain it, but that does not mean that I am going to stop praying with the new all the new colors and scents that came with gift. And yes, God, I know it was a gift and I thank you for it from the bottom of my heart."

Then my prayers changed, are still changing.

I need for God to teach me how to pray, but I am not as frantic to pray with words alone.

I  know how important it is for each of us to make our prayers, even if God already knows what is in our hearts and our minds.  It matters that we take time, and pay attention to the things that move us, and to recognize the need  to align our intention with the one who's "spirit moved over the waters of the deep."

Then she remembered finding this new prayer in a place where she doesn't usually look; I was at the computer so I looked it up and knew, I knew that it was the prayer that I needed to pray for you and for 

others

name by name,

          name by name,

                 name by name,

like a heart beating,

name by name.

And I am not saying that this prayer is the be all, end all;  not at all.

Like manna from heaven i will have to gather my spiritual food day by day.

But it seems like the prayer I need right now to dig down deep, down to the roots of what I think and the ache I feel to bring all of it into the light of day, into His light, His day.

Maybe being sick and exhausted and stressed made me have some grand delusion, made me see a design that seemed sublime at the time, but faded when i felt a little better.

Or maybe not.

what if  prayer is a structure built with Awareness, Attention, and Intention and that which moves across Time/Space is the life of the prayer, the same Spirit that breathed over the deep when the earth was void and formless.  What if that urge to pray is the pull of our will aligning with His?

What if becoming like little children means we are willing to be candid and innocent, to lose ourselves in the moment, to be so interested in experiencing what IS that we don't care so much about what other people think WE are. What if becoming Little children means we are able to suspend disbelief and watch, wonder-struck as God's design emerges in the fullness of time

I pray because something or someone has captured my attention.  I pray because I am moved and I want something to happen; it is a deep urge,  like the urge to breathe., and the urge does not go away but only  deepens as I clarify my intention, and say to God, "Not my will, but thine be done." And then devote all my  power , all my energy to doing whatever He tells me.

Astrid, you are in my prayers,

Love Janice