Can someone help me cope...

Comment

Comment by NuDirection on February 19, 2012 at 7:16pm

Thank you Janice you always have the nicest things to say and you have an awesome ability to pick me up so again I say thank you. 

Siskiyousis I am married off and on he said that he hates to see what I go through but his pain (baby pains compared to what I go through) usually seems to overshadow what I'm feeling.  I have had the day that someone walks in and things have sat in the trash and I immediately go and take out the trash.  While feeling like was I the only one that smelled that...lol.

DaneeG you seem to completely understand...my husband and adult children seem to think I'm still superwoman.  I can't even express how going to the grocery store and coming home is a terrible trip as I stare at the steps in front of me that I have to climb to take the groceries up to the apartment.  I love your poem that you wrote I couldn't have said that any better.  Depression has gotten the best of me for so long but the scripture brought me instant peace...Thank you.

Comment by DaneeG on February 19, 2012 at 4:22am

Dear NuDirection - Hi,

I completely understand!  My house is a mess and I just don't feel well enough to clean it, because I have a hard time bending over and walking for extened lenghts of time.  Also, my husband and adult son refuse to help clean the house or help do the grocery shopping.  No matter how I feel I have to do the shopping or we have no food.  They will both go to fast food places, but not bring home food for the greater family (me).  No one wants to deal with my condition.  My husband stays out late after work everyday.  He says, " I love you so much I can't stand to see you that way!"  So I am alone almost all the time.  I wrote him a poem that has a line in it that says,"If this is how you show you love me, then please love me less.  If you loved me less maybe you would spend more time with me...."  Depression is the all encompassing black cloud hanging over my head beacuse I have NO familal support.  I just keep reading scripture and reminding myself of my favorite verse: John 16:33 - "These things I have spoken unto you that in me you may have peace.  In the world you will have tribulation, but cheer up - I have overcome the would!" This is a lesson I have to keep learning over and over.  Depression is hard to rise above, but by reaching out to others like you did you can cling to our support that we will be here when family may not!

Comment by siskiyousis on February 18, 2012 at 11:55pm

NuDirections,

 i can totally relate to so much of what you write about. I was such a a great worker....plus with help from my husband my home was always clean. It might have been messy in few areas but even those did not last long. 

Now..i do not want people to even enter my house. My husband moved back in end of summer and it is like the movers and him must dumped it any where that was open than took off. I am too tired to move it up the stairs to his room but his room is already full. 

 He has clothes from when we first moved up here..over 10 years ago that he should toss out but he hands on like pack rat. Same with his uniforms he cannot just toss them he said we must cut patches off...he could do that while watching tv. But he mainly sleeps....majority of days he is more work than having someone here if i need help. 

I do not know this.....if you want to write me.....i may not help you cope but i will have us laughing instead of crying! 

I mean ....am i near to being like one of those people on tv show hoarders...nah!! but man that be my worst nightmare...waking up and sleeping with dead animals just in the general area oooh gross me out!! lol! 

 Or like when we were looking at this house to buy....clearly the renters did not want to lose their deal they had going on here......so you walk in the house with realtor....spring day so about 50 degrees out...so windows are shut...entire living room ranks where i coughed  due to all the piss smell from their 3 taco bell type  dogs!!  i mean i have giant old mastiff way 140lbs ..lab 80lbs and cattle dog 40 than jack russell 20lbs and my house has never come closes to how nasty the smell was ...and they are showing it to sale!! 

Than we go in kitchen...my area  as i say....in the sink she a frozen chicken or duck....something full of fat that is in sink defrosting full of water...so all this fat junk is floating around and i am feeling tired as it is....thinking great i am going to have to excuse myself and go puke now!! 

Now what should have been clue that our Realtor was not a guy who cared about us one bit......he saw all this...and totally acted like it was normal...where the other people looking at it ..from same Realtor place ..he was on the phone with the owners saying did you know how your renters just showed your house to not just 1 but 2 possible buyers?!! 

so when i think about how bad my house is.....i can still say i am no where near that!!! lol! 

I am same about asking for help than  having them come into my house and see it is humiliating. But i did do it year ago.  We had entire house looking so much better.....trick was every time you buy something you get rid of something ...so stays same....i was doing good until He moved back....and get this...he still has stuff on front pouch so we look like white trash ...but it snowed all over it.  I told him if it snowed all over it i guess that means i can toss it all ....he mumbled something. 

Do not know if you are married....but it can be best thing in the world or at times worse.....wonder any of stay married period?!! lol! 

When both are in that place you are now.....you should hear us....you do not get how bad i hurt...no no you do not understand how bad i feel!! eventually one of us makes a stupid face...like our counselor taught us

and than we end up laughing! Too bad you cannot do that about our dirty houses!!  

Yea i made friends with that woman who helped handle 'clutter' but she moved away...all really nice people move and here i am left seriously...not joking here ..two types mainly...ones who please there are aliens living in the mountain and flip side....go back to 1950's which can be nice...friendly neighbors etc but what else was going on back than ...racisim  women did not have right  or even excepted to go to school...the found themselves a husband. Plus all gossip of small town.  Lets see....someone one

Moderator Comment by janice on February 18, 2012 at 1:43pm

http://youtu.be/VWuDZ0az-c4 this might help

Moderator Comment by janice on February 18, 2012 at 12:34pm

Nudirection I am here for you and feel like I can't do en-ought to help! I'm so sorry you are feeling this overwhelmed.  but I have learned from others and from my own crazy experinec that getting all these feeling into a narrative form, (like you did very well) is half the battle.

Somehow telling a story about what we think feel and do causes all the raw data of daily struggle move into the roomier parts of the brain up towards the front, and when that happens we feel better. If the stuff that is driving us nuts can be put into words and then into a story, and THEN (here is the best part) if we can share that story with those who care, good stuff begins to happen.

About housework: I feel your pain! I am the same way. Ask God for help; He helps me in the most  delightful and surprising ways.

and please, please keep writing! I need good stuff to read.